ebb and flow

things seem to get pulled in all kinds of opposite directions.
when you get pushed to the ground, something is there to push you back up
usually it's the hard ground, but sometimes, it's a feather pillow.
god allows things to come and soften the blow.

i'm not angry about "the email" anymore.
that has passed. honestly, an embarassment sets in
now that I've had time to reflect
this is not the way god wants me to react to things like this

and over time, i imagine, things will get weirder
the desire to leave the institution will grow stronger
i know that in my head, i will have to discern between
my selfish desire to not be affiliated to any church with pews inside
and the evil telling me that i'm better off on my own.

i'm not. and that's why god has given me all of you
in your own ways, you're all the best people i know
your'e all the best friends one man deserves
there is a love thicker than blood in this house
we've created something special. although we didn't created

it, like everything else of value, was given to us
by him who doesn't want us to go it alone
and for that i'm thankful

you get into these ruts where you wonder,
"is this all there is to this life?"
and then god answers.
and it's better than you expected
better than you were told you deserved

thank you all for the part you play.
your names are interchangeable in the list
of most important. there are no positions,
just names, hearts, souls.

in an essay i had to write recently,
i was asked my thoughts on community.
that was before i really knew what community really was. now i know.
if i only had known then, what i know now.

and if god opens the door and i have to leave
i will be sad. i'll kick and scream, knowing that a better, god-driven future awaits.
but i dread the day when i have to say goodbye. so long, dear friends,
you who have shaped my existence and growth, not unlike a mother bear nursing the cubs.

you will equip me and send me into the great unkown.
and there, i will strive. for all of you who have led the way.
i will change the world with you, because hearts can't be separated

once together, souls cannot be unglued.