rainbows and lollipops

Lately, I've been re-reading my college blog. Sadly, it seems to be the only way for me to re-live those four years that were so life-changing. Ultimately, they won't be remembered as the years that fostered my walk with Christ or a time when I sought God, but they'll still be remembered as a time when my mind expanded and I opened up to the world.

Before entering college, before leaving the confines of this small town, I was backwards. I'd never really encountered anyone of a different race. I'd never stayed up all night listening to someone tell you their life story. Because I already knew the life stories of all my friends back home.

There was something about college that opened me up to life. I hate when I hear people blast college. Alot of people, Christians included, will tell you that college is dangerous and, generally, a bad influence on a young person's life. I don't buy that. Sure, I was introduced to drugs and sex and, God forbid, rock n roll during those years, but I think I had to be introduced at some point and that was the time for that.

For some reason or another, college is usually linked with liberalism. It's cool to be politically correct and racially diversified when you're in the college atmosphere. And I couldn't agree with that more. Without college, I wouldn't have been introduced to different cultures; to the beauty of a foreign film; to the desperation of the African AIDS epidemic. I would have remained in my bubble.

I went to a small liberal arts college. It wasn't very big. That's a regret I have....although my classes were small and it was not uncommon to have lunch with a professor on any day of the week, I wish I would have had a chance to meet even more people; to be exposed to even more.

So here I am, six months away from doing this all again. And I keep praying, hoping that this school, which is a Christian school, doesn't reek of religion. I know in my heart that I'm going to meet some great people and those people are going to influence me in a great ways. But I still have a fear that I'm going to get there and everything is going to be religious and sterile and "Believe what we believe, or you're not one of us."

And what would I do if faced with that situation? I know now more than ever that living this Christian life is anything but sterile and peaceful and free of the things associated with the material world. If anything, I think it's most important that we be able to be out in the world, while maintaing our beliefs, morals and ideals. And I know that's how most modern Christians would see things. But I still have the fear that I'm walking into a situation that isn't like that. I think I would go insane if put in that situation.

Because I guess when I think about it, I don't want to be a sterile, clean cut Christian. I want to be rough around the spiritual edges; I don't want to ever be looked at as someone up on a pedestal; too good for normal people. I don't want to give off that Christian stink that I grew up smelling in stuffy churches. But I think love compensates for all of that. If you have love, you have everything you need to do what you're supposed to do.

I don't know where all of this came from. I think it's because I was reading over those old blogs and remembering how much I loved being in college. Freedom. I craved it; got it; and loved every second of it. But I was young then. I know what you're thinking; I'm still young. I know. But I was mentally and spiritually young too; free of responsibilty. And now, I'm going into this with a different brain; a transplanted soul and I want to get it right without comforming to anything that's going to change who I am.

Am I going to be able to handle everything? Will they like me? Where am I going to smoke? (I should mention here that it's almost criminal that I'm going to be living in an apartment complex where tobacco use is strictly prohibitied, even on the porch. I will prophecy now that I will ultimately choose to live in an off-campus apartment comples just to avoid this blatant discrimination).

anyway, I'm just talking out loud. keither's right though - parting sucks! and i'm not looking forward to it and I'm not going to get into it right now because we still have a lot of time.

So until next time, go in peace. love each other. sing a song. paint a picture. solve a problem. seek the truth.

-yours truly