saturday am

Sometimes you come across people in this life that put you to shame. Such things happened to me at work on Friday. There is this kid, well, young man, who I work with. He is new. He is not particularly "cool" in the ways that people often define "cool." But he's got a great story to tell those who would listen and what's worse - he's got a good heart and a disposition for singing loudly while washing dishes, both of which make people think he's weird.

He comes from Mexico, one of six or seven (I can't quite remember) children. He was adopted to Orgeon while the rest of his brothers and sisters were spread all over the states. He knows he has a mentally-handicapped twin brother in Kentucky. He knows he has a sister in Virginia. His brother, who he only just met a month ago, lives in Missouri.

He's one of those guys that doesn't have much but gives everything away to those who need. He is always dropped off at work by someone who then takes his car and uses it for themselves. When I asked him about this yesterday he said, "My car is everybody's car. If there's something I can do to help someone out, I'm gonna do it."

I immediately felt shamed. I'm so selfish with my car. I use the excuse that I don't want anything to happen to it, or that I know the quirks of my car and therefore I'm the only suitable driver. But the simple truth is, I just don't like people driving my car. And really, in the scheme of things, is it even my car? I'm being selfish with a gift my father gave me. Sometimes I hate myself for being such an asshole.

As previously mentioned, this guy at work is not everyone's favorite. He sings, loudly. He sings, way off key. He sings terrible songs that anyone with ears has forgotten about a LONG time ago. He sings Kid Rock songs. Enough said. Yet, I find that I enjoy his singing. Not because it's good, because it isn't. Nor because I like the songs, because I don't. But because I find joy in someone who finds enough joy in their work to actually sing while doing it. That's something you just don't see too often anymore. So while everyone else covers their ears, or rolls their eyes or says something smart, I try to keep my mouth shut. Sometimes, sadly, I blurt out something about being annoyed but that's just because, like I said, I'm an asshole sometimes.

Truth is, I respect this kid. I respect what he's done with a life that could not have been easy when it was younger. I respect him for enjoying his job and working hard. I respect him mostly for being himself in an age when it's far too easy to be someone else.

I think that alot of times we wish we could be something else. We see the way someone is and we covet that. Today I'm guilty of that. I'm trying to be all that Christ wants me to be but it's a daily struggle. When I was younger, both literally and spiritually, I use to think that all of the "sin" in my life would just someday vanish. I actually thought there would be days when I didn't swear at all--something I now know to be about as possible as jumping over the moon. I use to think that while here on Earth, I could be crafted into some perfect creature.

I think the greatest day of my life was the day I realized that perfection is impossible.