band of brothers

i've discovered in the last few years that i'm a world war II junkie. that doesn't mean i collect souveneirs or claim to know all kinds of 40's history. but something about that time period, that war, rings true to me. i'm not exactly sure what it is but there is something about the stories that have come from that war that inspire me; that pull at my heart.

because really, aside from killing and protecting and "liberating", what is the most important part of war? some would say victory. but i think more than that, it is the bonds it creates. i've never been in combat, but i'm sure there are friendship formed on the battlefield that never diminish with the passing of years. i'm sure there are souls that allign and no darkness will ever put out that light.

i'm not for war. in a spiritual sense, yes, war is what we live through. everyday is an uphill battle against an unrelenting foe. the faceless evil. but i can't escape the correlation that the bonds i find myself forming now with a small group of like-minded friends is very akin to the bonds formed from war. and i guess that's fitting.

today i finished watching a mini-series about world war II, based on true stories, called Band of Brothers. over the course of ten episodes, i watched a group of paratroopers start fresh in basic training, work their way up to the invasion at normandy (on D-Day) and then battle the Germans, the weather and their own demons for over a year while they fought at the front lines in europe. their purpose - the overcome the evil that had spread through that continent with vengeance and force.

that's how i feel. i don't really even know the evil i'm fighting anymore. some of it, sadly, is in me. some of the biggest, ugliest demons that i've ever seen reside inside of my body. and that's a shaming, sad thought. but to be honest, sometimes, the hardest enemy to put down is the enemy inside of our own soul. i want to lay down my arms. stop killing myself, but i struggle with that.

so, to you, my band of brothers (and sisters), i say thank you for fighting along side of me. you lift me up when i don't think i have the strength to go on. you do the fighting when i'm too weak. and you're always there to listen to me bitch about my superiors. i know that all guidance and perserverance comes from above. but i also know that all of you were placed in this life (as was i) to come beside me and each other. you are my brothers (and sisters) in arms.

and one day, when this is all over and forgotten, i hope to remember, if even for just one moment, all of the battles and bloodshed that were deemed necessary for the cause. i hope to remember, if just for one second, the smile on your face as you welcomed me into your home. i know we're going to a place that might not call for memories. but i hope to have memories of all of you and the love you've shown me.