a random collection of thoughts after my 11 days in exile

i had this dream once that on the last day of earth, planes would fall from the sky. they would criss-cross in front of or behind each other as they descended to the earth. in my dream, several fell into the middle of a small town, crashing through the walls of the local church and firehouse. fire was everywhere. in my dreams, planes fell from the sky. and now they fall for real. i hope this isn't the end. i'm not ready.

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i've been having severe deja vu lately. i don't really believe that i've lived other lives, but the urges have been really strong lately. jsut the other day i was in the car with someone and i got the sense that i had been there before. so i waited for her to say the word, "whole", knowing that in that previous experience, that word was said at exactly that moment. and to my surprise, she said it. sure it sounds like a random word andi don't expect anyone to believe me, but it was weird. and then just yesterday i was in a building that i had never been to before, yet as i climbed the stairs from the first floor to the second, i knew i had been there, in a dream, several years earlier. i guess i was probably just there once when i was a child, but i don't know. perhaps god is the mastermind behind these deja vu fits. or perhaps it's just me, being a weirdo. i don't know.

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i miss my friend. it's been far too long since we've travelled the backgrounds of central pa, listening to music, smoking a few cigs. i miss his company. but i'm also proud of him and what he's doing. he'll be home soon.

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and i miss my extended family and our time together. we need to get together soon because i draw strength from our time together. i grow stronger when we are near. and i miss that. why is life so damn busy? really, what have i been doing with my time other than being busy? your guess is as good as mine. but i know some others have been pondering that same thought. i hope we are given the answer soon because i'm not sure what to do.

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i may soon be a published writer. relevant magazine has a website and they are interested in running a piece i wrote about my coldplay concert last week in pittsburgh. i'm going to be sending ryan, the editor, my story tomorow to see what he thinks. if all goes well, i could be on the website next week. that's exciting, i guess.

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more later.
love to you all.
sorry for my absence