to the unlovable

this is my ode to those i can't love
to those who i don't see eye to eye with
to those people i'd rather ignore
than share time with

to you who don't see the world as i do
and therefore don't feel the love i wish to share
i'm sorry. i'm sorry that's i've failed you
in the ways of love

and to the unlovable
to those who have done me wrong
i'm sad that i can't forgive yet
that i haven't learn to let go

to all of you, former friends, colleagues, relatives
i'm sorry that i haven't yet found that place in my heart
where regrets and anger subside
where love shines through

because it's not you who are unlovable
it's me who is unable to love
the way i'm meant to love

and if i had it all to do again
things would be different
i would slay this beast
before it came back to chop my head off

i would love you unconditionally
you would feel my love
and our mutual hurts would be, in a perfect world,
nonexistant

but instead, i'm forced to live this life
as i've built it from the ground up
with a swimming pool in the backyard
for me to swim in my inability to love.

when the day arrives
when i can really, REALLY let this go
i'll jump to the sky and smile
i'll be happy that my struggle is over

but if i die before i right these wrongs
know that i had the best intentions
that i wanted to get right with you
that i wanted to forget the past
and enjoy the future

to those i can't love
i say i'm sorry
i'm sorry that the love of the creator
doesn't yet flow freely enough
through me to flow to you

in time, i hope, it will flow like a river
out of my heart, through my soul,
raging into my veins and overflowing
through my mouth, eyes, ears, nose, fingertips

through my entire being.

flooding everything in the way with love. and forgiveness. and peace.