Lost in Translation
It occurred to me last night that yesterday did not go as planned. Our Thanksgiving celebration certainly bore no resemblance to any celebration I know of....something was amiss. Some of us were tired. Some of us were hurting. All of us were struggling to find the answers.
I can easily take my part of the blame for Sunday's weird vibe. I couldn't get tuned in and I don't know why. I was upset early when my brother was not able to eat with us. I had invited him and hoped we could all hang out, but it became clear early on that things were going to be slower than normal. When he left, I was heart broken. I felt like I had let him down; like we had someone in our midst who could have used a listening ear and open heart and we let him get away. I was pissed. And it was my fault as much as anyone's. That was problem number 1 for me....
More so than that though, I felt this added pressure to bring the spiritual "bonding" time into our group time. I realize that we are a group that rarely gets together and engages in those activities which could be traditionally called "spiritual." Usually, we just bullshit. But we do it with love and open ears. When we planned this time earlier in the month, my first thought was that we should do some "spiritual" activities; things that would finally set us apart from any group of friends gathering for a Thanksgiving celebration.
But when it came time for communion and prayer and worship, the air was stagnant. I don't know if anyone else felt it, but the air in that room was HEAVY and not in a good way. I couldn't breathe...I literally felt pressure on my chest and just wanted to run. We struggled through a few songs, but the sad truth is that there was little motivation behind it. I certainly speak for myself alone when I say that I struggled through that time. I thought it was just too hard to get plugged in to anything even resembling church after the long day we all had.
All is not lost though. I think all of this boils down to the fact that we are new at this....sure, we've spent time together before, but we're still learning how to express ourselves spiritually as a group. I know that I still can't pray in front of people and it's something I want to work on. Sadly, on Sunday, I couldn't even concentrate on what was being prayed about let alone join in the chorus myself. I think there's going to be this difficult time while we're really gelling together.
Maybe I don't speak for anyone but myself, but I think Sunday was a painful wake up call. I think I thought this was all easy and care free. But I realize now that we don't know how to do this yet. When we tried to squeeze "church" into our get together, look what happened....we struggled. Plain and simple. And all of this is not to say that the time we did spend in prayer was insignificant. I don't mean that at all. But I think Sunday was a struggle and we are going to have this trouble as we continue to grow as a group.
I hope this wasn't offensive. It's tough for me to write about this because I was so much looking forward to Sunday. I love you all dearly and none of this was meant to reflect poorly on any single person. I just get this overwhelming feeling that we thought we had it easy and now we realize that there's a learning curve to this community thing.
What does everybody else think? Am I just crazy? Am I being too harsh? Was I the only one on an island on Sunday??
I can easily take my part of the blame for Sunday's weird vibe. I couldn't get tuned in and I don't know why. I was upset early when my brother was not able to eat with us. I had invited him and hoped we could all hang out, but it became clear early on that things were going to be slower than normal. When he left, I was heart broken. I felt like I had let him down; like we had someone in our midst who could have used a listening ear and open heart and we let him get away. I was pissed. And it was my fault as much as anyone's. That was problem number 1 for me....
More so than that though, I felt this added pressure to bring the spiritual "bonding" time into our group time. I realize that we are a group that rarely gets together and engages in those activities which could be traditionally called "spiritual." Usually, we just bullshit. But we do it with love and open ears. When we planned this time earlier in the month, my first thought was that we should do some "spiritual" activities; things that would finally set us apart from any group of friends gathering for a Thanksgiving celebration.
But when it came time for communion and prayer and worship, the air was stagnant. I don't know if anyone else felt it, but the air in that room was HEAVY and not in a good way. I couldn't breathe...I literally felt pressure on my chest and just wanted to run. We struggled through a few songs, but the sad truth is that there was little motivation behind it. I certainly speak for myself alone when I say that I struggled through that time. I thought it was just too hard to get plugged in to anything even resembling church after the long day we all had.
All is not lost though. I think all of this boils down to the fact that we are new at this....sure, we've spent time together before, but we're still learning how to express ourselves spiritually as a group. I know that I still can't pray in front of people and it's something I want to work on. Sadly, on Sunday, I couldn't even concentrate on what was being prayed about let alone join in the chorus myself. I think there's going to be this difficult time while we're really gelling together.
Maybe I don't speak for anyone but myself, but I think Sunday was a painful wake up call. I think I thought this was all easy and care free. But I realize now that we don't know how to do this yet. When we tried to squeeze "church" into our get together, look what happened....we struggled. Plain and simple. And all of this is not to say that the time we did spend in prayer was insignificant. I don't mean that at all. But I think Sunday was a struggle and we are going to have this trouble as we continue to grow as a group.
I hope this wasn't offensive. It's tough for me to write about this because I was so much looking forward to Sunday. I love you all dearly and none of this was meant to reflect poorly on any single person. I just get this overwhelming feeling that we thought we had it easy and now we realize that there's a learning curve to this community thing.
What does everybody else think? Am I just crazy? Am I being too harsh? Was I the only one on an island on Sunday??
posted by gabe at
1:03 PM
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