at the look out

i'm at that look out
a place atop the mountains
where the vastness of this existence
seems to go on forever

i've been here for a while now
i watch those people down there
move around like ants
they don't know they're being watched

sometimes it's easier for me
to stand up on this look out
and cast my eyes of doubt and hatred
upon others rather than look at myself

because you see
even when i'm standing atop this lookout
i don't actually have to do anything
about my situation

i can stand here
and delay change for another
few minutes, hours, days, years

you see, when i tell you that
i'm pondering my life and what it's about
and what i'm going to do for Him,
what i'm really telling you is that i'm
scared and afraid that i've lost him
that i've lost you

and when I tell you that
i'm up here to take a breath of
fresh air
and see the world he created

what i'm really telling you is that
i'm worthless and maybe
when you're not looking
i'm going to jump from this lookout
to a place where there's nothing more
to see

because the nice thing about the lookout
is that i can't see me.
i see everything and everyone else
from a distance
yet i'm the farthest one away
lost ....hurt.... scared ....alone ....wondering ....will ....you .....watch .....me .....fall?