update from the 'burg'

Since moving to Harrisburg over two weeks ago, I haven't really had the time to type up a general update on life. It's been a crazy change really; one that I think is ultimately for the good. But I thought I would take the time to blog about my new life. But I have to type quietly because there's a seven-month-old baby sleeping in the next room (more on that in a minute).

So let's just recap for those who might not know. I've moved into the third floor space of a house owned by a great couple, Pat and Helena. They're young (late 20s) and, honestly, they're very cool. They have a baby boy, Jack, who is also very cool (and the aforementioned seven month old sleeping next door). They're good people and they actually remind me alot of Chip and Mis. The ages are similar; the way they think is similar in a lot of ways; they way they act with each other...there are a lot of similarities and maybe that's why I feel so comfortable here. It feels like a natural progression. And that in no way means that I've substituted them. It's just that I'm kinda glad that when I moved away from home for the first time there was still a sense of familiarity.

So Jack, the baby, is very cool. I don't get to spend a whole lot of time with him yet, but I think as he gets older, he and I will be very cool. He's awesome; always smiling and laughing. It's nice to have a little one around. I get to see what that might be like, although I'm certainly not waking up with him in the middle of the night or changing his diapers.

The other great thing about living here is having Alissa so close. She literally lives two blocks from here and I can't tell you how great it is to see her and not have to drive 2 hours to do so. There's such a freedom in that. It's been really great. We're spending quality time together and we've starting going to the gym pretty much every day which is awesome.

So get this...we're going to train to run a half-marathon in the fall. I can't really even believe that I'll be able to do that in 8 months, but I think I can train to at least try. Pray for me because it's something we really both want to do and I think it would be awesome. I'll keep you updated on the training process.

Another thing that's been really cool is that when I'm here, I feel like I have to read and chill with myself and really take some time for prayer and devotionals. It's been pretty cool because before moving here (when I was driving here twice a week or more and working like crazy) I just didn't have time to read and be alone. It's ironic that now that I'm so close to Alissa, I have more time to be with her and more time to be alone at night. It's been nice to spend some time in the Word and just get back into that groove. I don't know....it's been good.

So I guess that's the update. I'm still working at the restaurant which stinks because I'm sick of driving back and forth. My uncle works in the state capitol so hopefully he can get me a job in the very near future as a research analyst which would actually be right up my alley. Keep your fingers crossed because I'd love the job and it would be great to not have to commute so much to work!

Anyway, I hope that satisfies everyone's curiosity, assuming anyone has any curiosity about the situation. In the meantime I hope to see you all soon. I miss you and I miss hearing about your life, your work, your kids and your concerns. Hopefully some time together is in the near future. I guess we'll see...

thanks for reading...or skimming. It's all the same to me :)

saturday am

Sometimes you come across people in this life that put you to shame. Such things happened to me at work on Friday. There is this kid, well, young man, who I work with. He is new. He is not particularly "cool" in the ways that people often define "cool." But he's got a great story to tell those who would listen and what's worse - he's got a good heart and a disposition for singing loudly while washing dishes, both of which make people think he's weird.

He comes from Mexico, one of six or seven (I can't quite remember) children. He was adopted to Orgeon while the rest of his brothers and sisters were spread all over the states. He knows he has a mentally-handicapped twin brother in Kentucky. He knows he has a sister in Virginia. His brother, who he only just met a month ago, lives in Missouri.

He's one of those guys that doesn't have much but gives everything away to those who need. He is always dropped off at work by someone who then takes his car and uses it for themselves. When I asked him about this yesterday he said, "My car is everybody's car. If there's something I can do to help someone out, I'm gonna do it."

I immediately felt shamed. I'm so selfish with my car. I use the excuse that I don't want anything to happen to it, or that I know the quirks of my car and therefore I'm the only suitable driver. But the simple truth is, I just don't like people driving my car. And really, in the scheme of things, is it even my car? I'm being selfish with a gift my father gave me. Sometimes I hate myself for being such an asshole.

As previously mentioned, this guy at work is not everyone's favorite. He sings, loudly. He sings, way off key. He sings terrible songs that anyone with ears has forgotten about a LONG time ago. He sings Kid Rock songs. Enough said. Yet, I find that I enjoy his singing. Not because it's good, because it isn't. Nor because I like the songs, because I don't. But because I find joy in someone who finds enough joy in their work to actually sing while doing it. That's something you just don't see too often anymore. So while everyone else covers their ears, or rolls their eyes or says something smart, I try to keep my mouth shut. Sometimes, sadly, I blurt out something about being annoyed but that's just because, like I said, I'm an asshole sometimes.

Truth is, I respect this kid. I respect what he's done with a life that could not have been easy when it was younger. I respect him for enjoying his job and working hard. I respect him mostly for being himself in an age when it's far too easy to be someone else.

I think that alot of times we wish we could be something else. We see the way someone is and we covet that. Today I'm guilty of that. I'm trying to be all that Christ wants me to be but it's a daily struggle. When I was younger, both literally and spiritually, I use to think that all of the "sin" in my life would just someday vanish. I actually thought there would be days when I didn't swear at all--something I now know to be about as possible as jumping over the moon. I use to think that while here on Earth, I could be crafted into some perfect creature.

I think the greatest day of my life was the day I realized that perfection is impossible.

with our palms cupped like shovels

It's been so long since I've sat down with the intentions to write something. It seems that there is always something better to do; or other things to occupy my time. Some days, I log onto this site with high hopes for something special. I want the words to flow out, free and full of inspiration, but that is often not the case. Even now as I type, I feel the inspiration, once strong, now slowly evaporating.

What is it that I want to say? What is it that I want to express? Regret may be one thing. I have not forgotten you. I have not moved on to find another me while at the same time letting go of friendships. Forgive me if it feels that way. It's not my intention.

Right now, I'm happy. I feel unsettled and constantly on the move, but I feel I'm in the right direction. I hope that time will prove me right and that I will prove that my interest in your lives has not waned but strengthened.

This is all the typing I can muster for now. Hopefully I will be around again soon. To all reading this, I hope tomorrow is better than today.

with love...

two paragraphs (titled after writing)

just random thoughts....

what triggers our emotions? what are those things that cause us to lose all sense of time and space? i've often wondered why in my life i've been more moved by a song or movie than anything else-- is it a sad state to be in? i don't know. some would say it's sad but i never thought it that way. i'm sitting here at the computer just reeling over some tunes and i feel like my heart is bleeding. how does this happen? do we just transpose lyrics or scenes atop our own life? our own existence? or worse, do we create scense and scenarios in real life based on what we've heard seen or read in the past? and by we, i do mean "me". i realize that this isn't specifically something everybody does but being raised in the pop culture generation, i've found it difficult to shake the influence ......

i'm feeling a little more than guilty lately for not having alot of deep, personal insight in my blogs. granted, i've only blogged two times this month, but i guess i think i should be writing more. but sometimes, there just isn't much to write about ....saldy, i think some of that is caused by this period of spiritual staleness i'm going through right now. i feel strongly that it's just a phase, the ebb and flow of christianity. but i'm definately at low tide right now. i don't know what causes that. what causes that disconnect. i don't feel particularly angry about anything....nor do i feel particularly excited about anything....i guess it's just the dreaded "a" word --apathy....i feel nothing inside right now. blank i guess. if that's a feeling.....i don't know how long it's been like this. probably since i've been trying to figure out where my life leads. where i'm supposed to go from here. pray for me.....

two paragraphs is all you'll get out of me tonight. i'm going to play guitar. i hope the inspiration strikes.

there's a girl in the night

Right now, word is breaking across the country that a fifteen year old girl in Bergenfield, NJ will soon be charged with attempted murder for throwing her newborn son into a garbage can.

Soon, people will hypothesize about what led this girl to do something so obviously hideous; what possessed her to go to these lengths to avoid being a mother. People will call for her death, whether she's a juvenile or not. People will question why her parents did not, in a nine month period, realize that there daughter was pregnant.

Talking heads on Fox News and CNN will question the repurcussions of such an action. Bill O'Reilly and Nancy Grace, the collective face of everything that's wrong with the national news media, will angrily declare that there is no fathomable reason why this should have happened.

But who will stand up for the girl? It will be easy to simply dismiss her as an alleged murderer but will anyone wonder, silently or aloud, what is wrong with a world that fosters this kind of thing? Will anyone cry for the new mother, so scared at the thought of motherhood that she saw no other option than to toss her child away?

Sitting here tonight in the comfort of home, I'm sad for this young girl. I'm sad for the infant clinging to life. I'm sad for the parents who didn't know that they were grandparents. I'm sad for the youth of this country. It's hard being a kid.

I don't know what else to say right now. I was looking for something to blog about because it's been awhile and this is what came up. So that's that for now.