sun

I just wanted to use this post to shoot straight. No poetry, or attempts at poetry. But more like a journal entry for this day, June 28th, 2005.

As you will see to your right, I've added links to this blog. They take you to two very important sties. My very dear friends, Chip and Keith, each have their own blog. It's super intense stuff and I strongly urge you to check it out when time permits. You will be thoroughly riveted by the words they spew.

The third link will be a revolving link. This week, that link takes you to Pitchfork Media, the online source for independent music. As many people who know me know, I love music and I love the spirit of independent music. Therefore, I thought it might be cool to let people get a glimpse of that world. So if you have time, check it out. It's for a very small niche and won't be interesting to everybody, but if you're bored, it might be worth checking out.

I guess in general things have been going pretty well today. I'm not too angry or frustrated, which is always good and I'm trying to take the day minute by minute. I don't know really what I'm supposed to write about. It seems to me that if I'm not masking some kind of hostility, then I can't write. But I feel that I need to break out of that, hence this journal entry.

I'll tell you one thing. I do love summer. It's hot here, but that's ok. I don't mind. There is something about this season of the year that brings out the best in my attitude ( usually ). Sunshine -- you know God was behind this whole concept. A bright yellow/orange orb shedding light and warmth across an entire world. It's a beautiful concept.

And it got me thinking...I want to be a sun. There is something beautiful about being a positive force in this world, someone who people can look at and see warmth and light and beauty. It's so easy to get caught up in all the bs and other things that get a man down. And I'm not one of those people who is content to just overlook the things that piss me off. But I want to be someone who perserveres through that....I don't think God wants every day of our life to be rainbows and bubblegum. But at the same time, I feel like I need to learn how to handle tests better and have a more positive outlook.

I hope that I will do that and I hope you will pray for me. I, in turn, will pray for you, dear friends.

I think that's all for now. This wasn't very intesting. We'll try again tomorrow maybe.

Love to you all,
Gabe

ebb and flow

things seem to get pulled in all kinds of opposite directions.
when you get pushed to the ground, something is there to push you back up
usually it's the hard ground, but sometimes, it's a feather pillow.
god allows things to come and soften the blow.

i'm not angry about "the email" anymore.
that has passed. honestly, an embarassment sets in
now that I've had time to reflect
this is not the way god wants me to react to things like this

and over time, i imagine, things will get weirder
the desire to leave the institution will grow stronger
i know that in my head, i will have to discern between
my selfish desire to not be affiliated to any church with pews inside
and the evil telling me that i'm better off on my own.

i'm not. and that's why god has given me all of you
in your own ways, you're all the best people i know
your'e all the best friends one man deserves
there is a love thicker than blood in this house
we've created something special. although we didn't created

it, like everything else of value, was given to us
by him who doesn't want us to go it alone
and for that i'm thankful

you get into these ruts where you wonder,
"is this all there is to this life?"
and then god answers.
and it's better than you expected
better than you were told you deserved

thank you all for the part you play.
your names are interchangeable in the list
of most important. there are no positions,
just names, hearts, souls.

in an essay i had to write recently,
i was asked my thoughts on community.
that was before i really knew what community really was. now i know.
if i only had known then, what i know now.

and if god opens the door and i have to leave
i will be sad. i'll kick and scream, knowing that a better, god-driven future awaits.
but i dread the day when i have to say goodbye. so long, dear friends,
you who have shaped my existence and growth, not unlike a mother bear nursing the cubs.

you will equip me and send me into the great unkown.
and there, i will strive. for all of you who have led the way.
i will change the world with you, because hearts can't be separated

once together, souls cannot be unglued.

you go backwards and then you go forwards

this beating in my chest won't let up
i can't stop it and neither can you
because you are the cause and the reason
the season of the year when all else fails
you will, i will, love won't

if words meant anything
maybe this would mean something
but all the words in all the dictionaries
can't explain what's been created
a friction, a fraction of the spark that
we've seen in the eyes of all those
boy-girls/humans-gods and the endless
sense that in the midst of everything--
chaos, danger, death, mutilation, humiliation, redemption,
faith, service and faithfulness--
the stars were alligned
and god got one right.

but for someone who never gets anything wrong,
i guess that makes us the culprits.
all those things we do to complicate beauty
slashing the faces of angles, screwing up
what wa meant to right,
holding onto that very thing meant to set us free

if i've done you wrong, forgive me
if i've gone too far, let me go
if you love me, forgive me
if you hate me, don't tell me
if you need me, i need you to
if i've been important to you,
then you've been important to me
if today were the day, you'd be the one
i called on the phone to thank
if the sky's gonna fall down,
let it fall on me
if you're having a break down
you can break on me

the mistakes i've made
have not been your fault.
the love i've polluted
will now be restored
the promises i make, you make,
will be fulfilled
the reasons are clear...
i was lost. in a dark place.
without him. i was a stranger
in paradise. i was lost
but now i'm found.

i'll make this right.
we'll make this right.
not today, not tomorrow.
maybe not next week
or next month.
maybe three more years will go by
before we correct the erros of judgment
maybe i'll learn to forgive friends
and love others the way they're supposed to be loved
maybe i'll get over this bullshit obsession with things of this world
and learn to give it all away

i already gave my heart.
now all i have to do is give my checkbook.
then maybe the words i say
will turn into actions.

and maybe those actions
will save our world.

and if not, if all else fails,
there's still love.

and our endless pursuit of it.

poetry, this is not

the hardest was letting go
not taking part
you really broke my heart
and i tried to say
when i couldn't think of anything
and that was the hardest part
i could feel it go down
you left the sweetest taste
in my mouth
silver lining in the cloud
oh and i wonder what it's all about.

could i please refrain from using coldplay lyrics in my blog? i think that would do everyone a service.
but the truth is, i write better when inspired and this inspires me. so deal with it.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==--==--==
brace yourself
cuz this is about to ugly
and real
and several more things
that you don't want it to be

i'm a failure in 99 percent
of the word's meaning
my life, encapsulated
isn't worth the oxygen
it required to live

or so i thought.

you're a kind soul
underneath the bullshit
you've had to endure

your heart is big
and full of love
and sometimes,
when things are going my way,
you send that love

my way

i take it in
even when i'm a little
in awe of the words you say

back and forth
we write in this form
sending invitations of love
receiving rsvps in return

if i never meet you in this life, let me feel the lack

they say it can't be real
if it wasn't written to glorify
but glorifty what i say?
you? him? the sky? what?
you're full of it
and what's worse is
you know it

you're fake. we're fake.
this world, in all its shapes
and sizes
has fake potential

or so i thought.

love, it's what i love
dual functions, mult-functions

it makes me believe
in the things i use to deem
unbelievable

i was a prisoner. you set me free

drop music
not bombs
tell that to our President Bloodsucker

eat our young. decry freedom.
yellow ribbons don't unbreak mom's heart

support justice. not this.
blood red, white and blue
let toby keith pen a masterpiece
about truth

i'm sick of your lies
don't use my god
to fulfill your agenda

his hands are clean.
it's your hands
stained with oil and greens
that has the blood on them.

my friends went away.
returned. but not the same.
this is your fault
you hate-monger

aids. poverty. global warming.
issues that are important.
personal vengeance doesn't
quite make the list.
but it pays

they say i'm a conspiracy
theorist
that what i say is just
micheal-moore inspired hate

but they don't take the time
to look up the information for themselve

and i guess i'm to blame
for spending too much time
on matter of this world
but the things we do
in this world
reflect the things that
happen in the next

tell that to him
he who uses my god
to fufill his agenda

the blood is on your hands.
the 1700 boys and girls,
staring at the celing
of a coffin
are on your hands

and all the herry falwells will
never understand

what will come of this time
of uncertainty?

i don't know.

road

somewhere, on the other side of the world, we wind the road at 60 mph
if i knew where in the hell we were, i'd draw you a map
but these eyes have never seen this pavement before

147 and south.
i'm told this will take us to familiarity
but now, staring at fields/headlights/herndon,
i don't believe a word of it

faith and a smoke is all we have
the radio blares,
u2 seems prevalent
war, and justice, and the dawn of rage

drive through old town
the buildings hang over us
like trees about to die

i don't wanna die
not tonight

a warning, curve ahead
the rumble of broken streets
one after another
then the turn comes,
not as bad as predicted

the bridge signals freedom
a gate to the land we know

river sparkles underneath
the organge glow casts shadows

not two seconds on the bridge,
the song appears

this speaks to my soul, i share with you
my best friend, the one who understands

i let the words and riffs and thumps
speak for me

in those four minutes, i'm silent

chris martin does the talking....

Oh brother, I can't, I can't get through
I've been trying hard to reach you cuz I don't know what to do
Oh brother, I can't believe it's true
I'm so scared about the future and I wanna talk to you,
Oh I wanna talk to you

You can take a picture of something you see
In the future where will I be?
You can climb a ladder up to the sun
Or write a song nobody has sung or two
something that's never been done

Are you lost or incomplete?
Do you feel like a puzzle you can't find
your missing piece?
Tell me how you feel
Well I feel like they're talking in a language
I don't speak and they're talking it to me

So you take a picture of something you see
In the future where will I be?
You can climb a ladder up to the sun
Or write a song nobody has sung or two
something that's never been done

So you don't know where you're going
but you wanna talk
And you feel like you're going
where you been before
is there anyone who'll listen
but you feel ignored
nothing's really making any sense at all

this feels right.
i know it's gonna end some day

but not tonight

not while the gas is full

and the road lies ahead

not with a couple camels left

not with the future, uncertain and beautiful,
wide open in front of us

not with all this unfinished business

it doesn't end like this.

not tonight. not like this.